I wish all of you the merriest solstice! After, 'tis that time of year. Today, December 21, is the shortest day of the year, meaning that starting tomorrow, the sun will stay up just a moment longer. This will continue until we reach the summer solstice (boo!), when the daylight begins to shorten. But let's not dwell on such a wretched day now, for today is the solstice and the end of a season of sorrow.
Now, do I really care about the solstice? No. I suppose I do like warmer, longer days, but I'm not concerned enough to look forward to the day when it changes, let alone celebrate it. But Ken does. In fact, he cares so much, that he wishes a hearty "happy solstice!" to everyone as they enter or leave the building. He finds it to be the only true holiday worth celebrating. He probably goes into the woods and smokes a peace pipe with fairies and goblins and shit.
Funny thing is that he treats the solstice just like we God-fearing Americans treat Christmas. Last year, around December 26th or 27th, he encouraged a man to buy something for himself as a... wait for it... late solstice present. A solstice present? What does that represent? Did three wisemen follow a star that led them to baby December 21/22 (depending on the year), which they proceeded to shower gifts on? No, but he does it anyway.
Earlier this year we were talking about the solstice. Ken told me how it's the only real holiday. I told him we don't need the solstice anymore. He replied with a curious, "Oh?" I said, "Yeah. We have ways to work around the weather patterns these days to maintain our civilization. We just mix vinegar and baking soda and shit and boom: no need for solstice." Win.
Whether you believe in sweet baby Jesus and are going to live in heaven with him, or if you celebrate the solstice or any of the other ungodly holidays and are going to be damned to hell to be raped by demons for eternity, I think we can put aside our differences and together say...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
