The past few nights, I have been struggling with which tale to begin my quest with. After many hours of prayer and contemplation, I have decided that I must start with one particular phrase that has been invading my ear canals multiple times a day for the past year. That phrase is "With gusto!" Coincidentally, it is spoken with gusto.
(Hence forth, I will refer to this individual as K.D., which are not his initials, so don't bother investigating. He is a man in what I assume is his early 40s, but I will not say more as every detail about him alludes to an interesting story.)
Let's start with a defintion, as such an introduction is vogue:
Main Entry: gus·to
Pronunciation: \ˈgəs-(ˌ)tō\
Function: noun
Etymology: Italian, from Latin gustus, past participle
Date: 1620
1 a : an individual or special taste
2 archaic : artistic style
In this case, we're using the definition that most closely matches "With enthusiasm!"
Now you're probably curious as to what K.D. is saying should be done with gusto. Allow me to share. K.D. works at the footwear department in my place of business. He occasionally crosses borders into other departments, but selling shoes are his bread and butter. He loves nothing more than fitting a customer into a new pair of shoes, and ensures that they have gone through the proper channels to find a shoe that fits. One of these tests is the legendary toe-test, in which K.D. guides the individual to a plastic boulder and has them slam their foot down and forward in an attempt to cause their toes to hit the end of the shoe or boot. If their toe touches, the shoe must be cast into the depths of Hell, as zero touch is permitted (more on that later).
The phrase "With gusto!" comes into play as the individual mounts the boulder, still unsure of why they're being pushed around by this salesman. He tells them to slam their foot down, comma, "With gusto!" Sometimes he says it with supreme confidence and in great voice. Other times he says it with a touch of desperation in his voice, as if he's begging the person to break their foot on company property. No matter which inflection his voice carries, this phrase is always used, and it resonates across the building.
Why does he use this phrase? I do not know. It's weird; it's outlandish. I realize it is a word in the English language, thereby making it kosher to use in everyday conversation with other non-tools, but seriously? There's just something strange about it. Not strange-mysterious, but just strange-strange. I've spent many hours trying to figure out why he says "gusto", but there is no reasonable explanation. The only thing I can say for sure is that every time I hear it, it eats away a little piece of my being.
There is nowhere to go to hide from this predatory phrase. I weave through racks of fleece jackets and convertible pants, searching for a place of sanctuary, but there is none to be found. As I run aimlessly, I lose focus of the ground beneath my feet and fall. As I recollect myself, I turn to see my pursuer, and it is upon me. "WITH GUSTO!" consumes me, and I am without recourse. It leaves me alive, but not unscathed. I finish my shift, drive home in silence, walk in the door and head straight to the shower. I scrub and I scrub, but they just don't make water hot enough. I then move towards sleep, but she will not meet me. After hours of lying in bed, alone with my thoughts, I stand, dress, and prepare for another grim day.
My confidants tell me to seek help, but my pride prohibits it. I could never admit to being victimized in such a fashion. Instead, I have chosen to live with this shame; a shame which does not appear on the surface, but has scarred my soul.
